My goals are: Choose a clear and logical text structure depending on my purpose and the curriculum area, sometimes being innovative.
Check my writing makes sense and flows by: adding and deleting words, adding and deleting punctuation.
Draft copy.
Chapter 1:Let's go?
It was a beautiful Wednesday morning as Paige woke up and realised that today was the day that she was going to her cousins in Auckland for a sleepover! She hopped out of bed and skipped to where her Mum was working and said,
"Hey mum should I pack my stuff now so we can go?"
"You know Paige, your going when I finish work so you have a whole day ahead of you."
Once hearing that she replied with
"Okay."
Then walked out of the room feeling disgruntled. She had a whole day ahead of her with MJ. MJ was not at all like other little kids. if he wanted something that he couldn't have, he would fight to get it.
Chapter 2:War
Soldier you must play tag with me outside. I am going to make your legs run until yours shoes, um.. Your shoes get covered in grass. You got that sargent?
Sir yes s-
"Paige, Paige."
MJ had to say her name a couple of times to get her to wake up from a terrible daymare (Nightmare and daydream clashed together.)
"What?"
"Can you pay wif me?"
Her brother had lack of speech.
"NO!"
As Paige walked off to the lounge her sneaky brother followed. Paige sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. She didn't have much to do at home, so she was glad that they had a TV. She had thought if they didn't have a TV then the holidays would be humdrum! Afterall, who wouldn't watch TV? For a while her brother sat their with a closed mouth watching for a while. That time flew past like a jet flying at top speed becasue soon he said,
"Paige can you pay now? I ant to pay outdide." he blabbered.
"Later, OK?" She lied.
Suprisingly herf brother didn't ask her again. The day was soon coming to an end which meant... She can go to her cousins!
Chapter 3:Let's go,go,go!
Soon they were in the car and zooming off to Auckland. They soon came to a stop , when they reached traffic! The ride would have been much shorter if there wasn't any traffic. Paige was starting to get mad! She hated traffic.
After a long and dreaded ride, they had made it to Paige's cousins! As soon as we got there Paige ran in and gave her cousins a extended and warm hug! She doesn't get the oppurtunity to see them much, so when Paige does she makes the most of it! As Mum left she and her cousins went swimming for atleast an hour then hoped out.
After a long and dreaded ride, they had made it to Paige's cousins! As soon as we got there Paige ran in and gave her cousins a extended and warm hug! She doesn't get the oppurtunity to see them much, so when Paige does she makes the most of it! As Mum left she and her cousins went swimming for atleast an hour then hoped out.
Chapter 4:JUMP!
It was Paige's second day at her cousins and today was her favourite. They were going to jump! Paige had never been to jump before so she was exited to get more experience about it. When they arrived at Jump she was so shocked! Paige thought it looked amazing! There were tramolines and theres was this plank where you had to jump off and land in a foam pit! There were also these things that you had to climb up and touch the roof! She took her first step of one of the tramopline and jumped! She had jumped so high that when she landed she fell on her behind! Once she had had enough of bouncing up and down, she decided to walk the plank. Paige thought it would really easy, but when she got up there she began to get dizzy and didn't want to jump off anymore! Sadly with a great heave her cousins puched her off! She didn't like that at all. Sadly the hour they had to play was up and they soon were back in the car to get sushi for lunch.
Chapter 5:Pu, pu, pu!
It was her third and final day at her cousins so they decided to go to the arcade! Paige was especially excited about the laser tag, although she wasn't that great at it.
When they arrived straight away she had a very serious game of air hockey. She won easly but didn't want to rub it in her cousins face. Especially because she payed. They played a couple more games then played laser tag! Laser tag was so fun. She got out a lot and only ended up shooting one person but she loved the game. Inside the area it was all dark and Paige and her cousins had to wear night vision goggles to play. She didn't like that part about it because the gggles started to hurt her eyes a bit! All fun times came to an end and they were soon going back to her cousins house!
Chapter 6:Home sweet home!
She really enjoyed spending time with her cousins and found it quite hard to leave, but she couldn't wait to go back home to her family and dogs!
New and updated version:
Chapter 1:Let's go?
It was a exquisite Wednesday morning as Paige woke up and realised that today was the day that she was going to her cousins in Auckland for a sleepover! She hopped out of bed and skipped to where her Mum was working and said,
"Hey mum should I pack my stuff now so we can go?"
"You know Paige, your going when I finish work so you have a whole day ahead of you."
Once hearing that she replied with
"Okay."
Then walked out of the room feeling a little disgruntled. She had a whole day ahead of her with her brother, MJ. MJ was not at all like other little kids. If he wanted something that he couldn't have, he would fight to get it.
Chapter 2:War
Soldier you must play tag with me outside. I am going to make your legs run until yours shoes, um.. Your shoes get covered in grass. You got that sargent?
Sir yes s-
"Paige, Paige."
MJ had to say her name a couple of times to get her to wake up from a terrible daymare (Nightmare and daydream clashed together.)
"What?"
"Can you pay wif me?"
Her brother was terrible at talking.
"NO!"
As Paige walked off to the lounge her sneaky brother followed. She sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. She didn't have much to do at home, so she was glad that they had a TV. She had thought if they didn't have a TV then the holidays would be humdrum! After all, who wouldn't watch TV? For a while her brother sat down with her, with his mouth closed. That time flew past like a jet flying at top speed because soon he said,
"Paige can you pay now? I ant to pay outdide." he blabbered.
"Later, OK?" She lied.
Surprisingly her brother didn't ask again. The day was soon coming to an end which meant... She can go to her cousins!
Chapter 3:Let's go,go,go!
Soon they were in the car and zooming off to Auckland. They came to a stop when they reached traffic! The ride would have been much shorter if there wasn't any traffic. Paige was starting to get exasperated! She hated traffic.
After a long and dreaded ride, they had made it to Paige's cousins! As soon as they got there Paige ran in and gave her cousins a extended and warm hug! She doesn't get the opportunity to see them much, so when Paige does she makes the most of it! As Mum left she and her cousins went swimming for at least an hour and then hoped out.
After a long and dreaded ride, they had made it to Paige's cousins! As soon as they got there Paige ran in and gave her cousins a extended and warm hug! She doesn't get the opportunity to see them much, so when Paige does she makes the most of it! As Mum left she and her cousins went swimming for at least an hour and then hoped out.
Chapter 4:JUMP!
It was Paige's second day at her cousins and today was her favourite. They were going to Jump! Paige had never been to Jump before so she was exited to get more experience about it. When they arrived at Jump she was so shocked! Paige thought it looked amazing! There were trampolines and there was this plank where you had to jump off and land in a foam pit! There were also these things that you had to climb up and touch the roof! She took her first step of one of the trampoline and jumped! She had jumped so high that when she landed she fell on her behind! Once she had had enough of bouncing up and down, she decided to walk the plank. Paige thought it would be really easy, but when she got up there she began to get dizzy and didn't want to jump off anymore! Sadly with a great heave her cousins pushed her off! She didn't like that at all. Sadly the hour they had to play was up and they soon were back in the car to get sushi for lunch.
When they arrived straight away she had a very serious game of air hockey. She won easily but didn't want to rub it in her cousins face. Especially because she payed for Paige. They played a couple more games then played laser tag! Laser tag was so fun. Inside the area it was all dark and Paige and her cousins had to wear night vision goggles to play. She didn't like that part about it because the goggles started to hurt her eyes a bit! She got out a lot and only ended up shooting one person but she loved the game. All fun times came to an end and they were soon going back to her cousins house!
Chapter 5:Pu, pu, pu!
It was her third and final day at her cousins so they decided to go to the arcade! Paige was especially excited about the laser tag, although she wasn't that great at it. When they arrived straight away she had a very serious game of air hockey. She won easily but didn't want to rub it in her cousins face. Especially because she payed for Paige. They played a couple more games then played laser tag! Laser tag was so fun. Inside the area it was all dark and Paige and her cousins had to wear night vision goggles to play. She didn't like that part about it because the goggles started to hurt her eyes a bit! She got out a lot and only ended up shooting one person but she loved the game. All fun times came to an end and they were soon going back to her cousins house!
Chapter 6:Home sweet home!
She really enjoyed spending time with her cousins and found it quite hard to leave, but she couldn't wait to go back home to her family and dogs!
Wow Paige! First of all it sounds like you got to do some awesome activities during your holiday. Second of all I love the way you have written your post as a story with different chapters. It was a great structure to choose for this kind of writing!
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